Today, I discovered 4 things about myself.
1) I am a jealous bitch.
I am very possessive about certain friends of mine. I demand a lot from my friends. Whatever way I treat them, I expect in return, solely for me. If I see them treating anyone else in the same way, I get really snarky inside. AND THE WORSE PART IS THEY DON'T KNOW IT.
2) I am a vindictive slut.
On the MRT ride home, I was plotting the downfall of a certain somebody, was about to carry it out, when I realised that I was stooping to that person's level. Which, strangely, I felt rather good about.
And I LIKE making people worried about me. Why else am I putting this on my blog? So that it looks like I'm breaking down, and you'll worry. Well, don't. It's a concerted attempt to twist your heart and tear it apart. Especially the next part. I warn you, don't be nice to me. Because then I'll want that niceness all to myself.
3) I am utterly useless in certain respects.
I am crippled. I realise that everytime I walk down a staircase, try to run, try to walk fast, jump off a table. Stupidly enough, I miss morning assembly. I miss running, especially running fast. I miss pe and all those stupid games we play. I miss getting NAPFA over and done with. I miss skipping the last two steps of every staircase. And my right ankle is giving way in my semblence to behave normally.
I remember Aine calling me the Restless Invalid. Too true. Except this is permanent. Sometimes I wish I were blind too so that I wouldn't have to see anyone else behaving normally.
I am stupid. I realise that every time I do academic stuff and take about an hour to do one question. And that can't happen in an exam.
I can't console people. Sometimes it's because one part of my brain is going, BLOODY HELL, I'm FACING the same SODDING PROBLEMS as you and I don't WHINE as MUCH about it so WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I CATER TO YOU. Other times, I really don't know what to do. My motto in life is to stride through the mud but never let it bog you down, but some people can't be optimistic. And I don't do as good a job about being optimistic as I would like to at times. So how can I expect other people to do what I can't do myself? Only a vague minority I deal with to my satisfaction.
And people who are reading this? Wondering which group you fall into? Feel like I'm falling apart? Good.
And how would you know I'm not purposely writing this way so that you would fall into another trap I've made? Do you know I'm undermining and trivialising what I say at each turn? Note the number of swear words. Like you don't know how often I swear.
Makes you wonder if you know this person.

And the final thing?

There's so many things I know, and I want to be good at them all.