I actually tried to kill myself off (MENTALLY, NOT PHYSICALLY. I'm not as deranged as some of you people yet.) but can't. Sense of self-preservation too strong.
Was reading a friend's blog (not listed) and was laughing, and I thought to myself: I don't want to stop. I don't want to change into someone new. I don't want to lock up my heart and throw away the key. I don't want to deny myself the right of being close to the people I really care about. So even if it gnaws me up that some of them have died but don't know it, or that if I died some people would hurt real bad, or that some people I know are going to break my heart, I'll say so be it. Come death, and welcome, they will it so. And if I ever die, and if you hurt really bad (you will if you care, if you don't, never mind), I'll say mourn, but don't mourn for too long. Because if I die, I would want you to live well, anyway you can. If I'm not around to help you, you'll must help yourself. You'll have to. In memory of me.