I just finished watching Julie and Julia. A blog was one of the key elements of the movie, which is why I was inspired to come back and write on this blog. I took a glance at what I've written in my blog long time ago and what I've written recently, and came to the conclusion that I had probably realised a long time ago - I won't write in this blog as often.


Not because that I have nothing to say. I still have many things to say: thoughts about my life as it happens, thoughts about the people I am with, how this feeds into who I am. However, as much as I hate to admit it, ever since I started working I have become a much more private individual. I no longer feel comfortable thinking about my life in written form, and have instead kept the words inside my head.


What words are public now are purely artistic works - all kinds of writing, and thoughts about shows. Less about myself. And now that the social platform has moved to lj, I tend to write less about things that need feedback, like movies where I want to see if anyone else shares the same reaction.


But what I do write about here are things that strike me so deeply that I have to write them publicly. A blog has a different feel from a hand-written diary, where you feel as if you are writing to yourself and most likely are. A blog, even a blog with no comments like this one, has the possibility of being seen. And that possibility is good enough for me.


This is perhaps why when Julie takes the idea of cooking her way through Julia Child's cookbook and uses it as a theme for her blog I found it a bit of a waste. Because when a blog is made for a project once the project is done the blog done. Of course you can convert it to something else, but it won't be the blog it started out as.


It also made me think about what is the theme for my life. Unlike a blog, a life is made out of a series of themes. I started off with wanting to be a good student, to wanting to write fic that people like, to wanting a good job. And now, I have achieved some of these projects. Right now, I'm going "What's the next project?" "What do I want out of life?"


And I'm sorry to say I don't know what it is. It's not "I want to be awesome at my job" or "I want to write the most awesome fanfic ever" though those would be nice. But I don't know what I really want.


Perhaps that should be my next project: Finding out what I want.