Friday, June 10, 2005

I can't remember who it was, but I remember that it was after the X2 movie, so it was either Tracy or Siu Qey, but anyway, this person asked me, "If you were one of the X-men, what power would you like to have?"
I've actually pondered on this question before, when I watched my very first episode of X-men. It was one involving Jubilee, just before she discovered her powers, and it stuck firmly in my head because she was the first Asian female I had seen in a cartoon. At that time, I was in love with my piano, and so wanted to have some power related to music, and call myself 'Musica' or something like that. (This was way before WinX was made, and I have no desire to wear high-heeled platforms like a certain character called Musa. Even though red is my favourite colour.)
Things had changed though. "I want to have some sort of psychic powers," I told my friend.
She gave me a long hard look, and then said. "Don't you find that freaky? I'd find it freaky if someone was able to read my thoughts."
That day, I gave her a non-satisfactory answer, but today, I think I have it.
Yes, it is freaky if someone was able to read my thoughts, if someone had no respect for my privacy and merely went charging in. Perhaps that's why in most stories the psychics are always on the side of good. But if I was able to read thoughts, or emotions, or some part of people that they always keep hidden, I might understand people a little bit more.

Yesterday, when I was online, my mother said, "Change your avatar, it's too dark."
So I changed it to the studious Raven one that I always use, and she said, "Still too dark."
I changed it, again and again, and repeatedly got the same response. And then she said, "That shows you're mentally unhealthy, since all your things are so dark."
Well gee, thanks.
But I don't understand. It's nothing new. It's why I prefer Batman to her Superman, why I always spend time watching the rain when she complains about it being wet, why I take the time to watch the streetlights go by the late night bus windows while she sleeps. It's why my webpages predominantly have a black background, and why I personally avoid the colour yellow.
And I don't see why it's unhealthy. My love for the dark has shown me the wonders of stars set in the sky, of silence, of being steady and always making sure you have something to hold on too.

If there was anything unhealthy, it's the way I learnt, and then unlearnt, to be afraid of the dark.

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