The Night of the Night Before Xmas

I was just starting to do my practice questions for Accounting when I realised that yes, this is a post I want to put on my blog.

I'm staying for a while in Cambridge, as I'm currently studying here.  Since I didn't grow up here, there are a few changes in lifestyle to make.  The last few days have been a bit traumatic, as everyone trickles out of Cambridge and you realise that when things shut down for Xmas over here, they really shut down.  It makes things a bit frightening, like how food can suddenly become a problem if you don't plan well (both running out of and having too much), or yesterday when all of the lights in my room decided to up and die.  It's alright when you have people around, and you know that you can fix things in the morning or get people with expertise to fix them.  It's another thing when you know that people are trying to celebrate and you have to call them specially out to do things for you.

I tried not to do that - the nice guy came over to fix my lights (on a Sunday) and I asked him for the key to the circuit breaker, so that I could fix things myself if the same problem happened again.  I also made a run to the grocery store, so I don't have to worry about starving even with my two meals a day thing that I've got going on.  (And too many bananas.)

But it's this sense of powerlessness that I don't like, and makes me faff around instead of studying.  I tell myself I'm equipped to handle living alone.  It doesn't make me feel good to think that I might not be as good as I think I am.

It doesn't help that studying itself makes me annoyed.  I don't like to think of myself as an accountant, and yet the subject that comes to me the most easily here is Accountancy.  I don't know whether it's because it's so easy that anyone could do it, but it seems strange to be a source of comfort.  In comparison, Corporate Finance is killing me, and I know all the topics.  I just don't know how to apply them.  So when people ask me for help, I feel pretty useless because I still don't know all these things!

That makes it hard to see what I want to do in life.  A lot of my assumptions are being questioned, and I don't really like the answers that I get from them.  It's hard not to be afraid, in this case.  But I shall try.